40-year-old wife demands husband and 6-year-old daughter decline invite to Hawaii due to her fear of flying, husband debates going without her if she doesn't change her mind: 'It's best for my daughter'

Author image for Emma Saven
Emma Saven
Aug 11, 2025 7:00 AM EDT

A marriage means being considerate of another human being through it all. You vow to be there in sickness and in health, for better, and for worse.

So when you feel as though a sensitive part of your partner's life could be holding you back, it can be difficult to look within yourself and remember standing on the altar and making those promises. Although, how does one navigate an issue that means always putting their partner ahead of themselves, and in this case, their children, too? 

As individuals, we all have blessings and struggles that make us different. Our interests and talents may not consistently align, nor will our biggest fears. However, in a relationship, just as you cannot always imitate their talents, you should not be expected to share their fears, or necessarily avoid seizing great opportunities that life throws your way because of them…

So when this wife refuses to go on a trip to visit her in-laws in Hawaii, due to her flight anxiety, she is making sure that neither her husband nor their daughter boards that plane without her. However, this is not an opportunity that comes around every day, so does she have the right to stop her family from making incredible memories because she can't gather the courage to take flight? 

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  • So how can the perfect hubby turn his wife's flying phobia into making their vacation possible?

    At the end of the day, she knows she has a ticket waiting for her, but does that mean her husband must sit around Mmming and Ahhhing until she finally makes a decision, which will likely rhyme with ‘yo’…anyway. 

    Maybe it's time he puts his foot down, for him and his daughter's sake, or would that not be very husbandly of him…? 

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    AITAH for telling my wife my daughter and I are going on vacation with or without her.

    I (45m) and my wife (40f) (married 15 years) have not had a great relationship with my family. Recently an opportunity arose
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    allowing us all to go to Hawaii for 10 days. We are from the Midwest and not rich by any means so this is most likely our last/only
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    opportunity to go visit the islands. Our flights and lodging would be paid for, we just have to pay for our food, acitivies and local travel (car rental, Uber, etc).
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    Our daughter (6, will be 7 before the trip) loves everybody, and especially one of the cousins that would be going on the trip.
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    My wife has always had anxiety issues and specifically flight anxiety. A week after saying she would go has started having
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    panic attacks and crying fits because she "cannot do this long of a flight" I tell her that is fine, however, our daughter and I are going because this is my last
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    opportunity to go and may be our daughters only chance. Wife says she cannot go that long without our daughter which causes her more anxiety.
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    I suggested going to the doctor to ask for medication to help with the flight when it happens (March), but she is suffering now,
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    when I suggest asking the doctor about meds for now she says that she would then have anxiety about the withdrawal symptoms of coming off those medications after the trip.
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    This is really the only time I have made a decision like this and was unwilling to move off of it. I feel horrible for my wife but I also believe it's best for my daughter.
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    So AITAH and should rethink going on this trip without my wife, or should I keep the tickets hoping she will go with us and if
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    she doesn't go keep in contact with her via FaceTime and pictures?
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    iamderangedwolf NTA. Her anxiety is a real issue, but it's not fair for her to hold your daughter back from a once-in-a-lifetime experience. The fear of withdrawal from a short term prescription sounds like an excuse to avoid dealing with the actual problem. You're doing the right thing for your kid.
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    spirosoflondon NTA her anxiety is her issue and her daughter's life should not be negatively impacted by it.
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    Appropriate Tap9953 Enjoy your flower sash and coconuts.
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    bodoboi Your wife's anxiety is valid but she's had plenty of time to address it before the trip in March. This is a rare opportunity for your daughter to experience Hawaii and bond with family.
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    Maybe suggest your wife talk to a therapist who specializes in flight anxiety rather than just medication? There are specific techniques they teach for this exact situation.
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    Spilldbeanz99 NTA, your daughter shouldn't have to suffer and miss out on quality time with family, a trip of a lifetime & amazing quality time with you!! Just because of a health condition your wife is refusing to take accountability for and manage. This is on her
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    Longjumping-Catch-70 NTA- everyone should decide on what's best for them. Keep encouraging your wife to get the tools to help with her anxiety!
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    Across TheUniverse82 NTA. But give her fair warning that if she can't control her anxiety you will go without her. Don't just spring it on her last minute. Have fun on your trip!
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    Mariner-and-Marinate NTA. Has your wife suggested any solution other than you and the daughter not going?
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experience nervous opportunity fear marriage FAIL cancelled waiting relationship-drama relationships Hawaii in laws Travel family tickets daughter anxiety vacation flying
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